There have been a ridiculous amount, of what I deem to be ridiculous questions that I feel compelled to try and answer. They are questions most people, including friends and family members wont ask, or are afraid to ask, or don't even know they should ask. The first being:
Why are you adopting? I don't need to explain all this, but on a more personal note, No I am not infertile at this point, and No,I am not a lesbian and I have not given up on men. (Some moron actually asked me that) And Yes, I would love more biological children of my own in the future. Adoption is a personal choice much like having a biological child of your own. People have all different reasons for adopting, each one unique and personal. I had the pleasure of seeing a film recently about, ironically, a single parent adopting a little boy. In it, he says to a skeptic, "I understand the argument of not wanting to bring a child of your own into this world, but what is the argument against loving one that is already here?" I couldn't have said it better myself! My mother once told me that if you want another child, you wont ever regret having that child. But not having another, then you may have regrets. ..Poor woman never intended me to apply that to an adoption as a single parent. She meant, settle back down, get married and have children the way God intended people to have children. But I have sadly never conformed to her ideals. Sorry Mom, I always seem to misconstrue every bit of advice you have ever given me, but you have to admit, all your advice has always served me well. Adoption is a means of adding to ones family that I consider to be as natural as having my own biological children. I am lucky and have been blessed twice by my two amazing biological sons, Danny and Aidan. Nobody could be prouder of them and I am fully aware of the gift I have been given by being their mother. So in the end when people ask me "Why adopt?" The only thing that comes to mind is "Why not?"
Why China? This is a toughie for a lot of people. Many, including myself at one time, feel that we should take care of "our own" in this country. The truth is that I looked into several options, including domestic adoption. It was not a political decision, or an economic one. The simple answer to this question; "Why China?" is "Because that's where my child is". That is where I was led time and time again. I firmly believe that there are times in life when we feel a 'nudge' in one direction or another. I listened to my nudge. It doesn't matter to me where a child is from, what social background, or country they were born. A child is a child. Having two of my own, I would have travelled to the far ends of the earth to bring them both home if God had not blessed me with them through birth.
Why Special needs? Why not a healthy child? This is a biggie for my family members and close friends who will have to be faced with the day to day challenges of my raising a special needs child. First things first. All children are 'special needs' in one way or the other. In this country, many times what we deem "special needs" usually brings up images of severely mentally challenged, physically disabled children, with either major challenges or sometimes no hope of leading full and productive lives. This is not always the case in this, or other countries. I will give and example: When I was born, my parents were handed an infant girl whose feet turned in so much that I required to have them corrected. (I still have the scars on my ankles.) I learned later in life, that I also had a very slight heart murmur as an infant , that resolved itself. No big deal right? Well in other countries, these type of special needs force parents to make very tough decisions as to whether they can keep their children. A cleft lip/palate is a special need isn't it? Would anyone consider giving up their rights as a parent when faced with a child of your own with a 'hair lip'? I doubt it. A common surgical procedure can correct it. Well Chinas orphanages are full of children with these 'special needs' because the parents either didn't have the means to correct them themselves, or they are living in a society which frowns upon children with such needs.
Ji Zhong's needs are minimal in my opinion, but make no mistake, if they were greater, it wouldn't matter to me. His tumor known as a 'cystic lymphatic angioma and is often considered a cosmetic defect or 'vascular birthmark'. Yes, they can reoccur, they may not, they can be large or small . But it can be fixed and managed. It shouldn't alter his ability to learn, or function just like you or I. When my son suffered from seizures as an infant, we never thought that we couldn't manage it. And by the grace of God, the seizures disappeared, and today he is a honor student, and an amazing athlete not to mention an all around great kid!
I thought China only had girls for adoption"? I love this one! And while my response is long, it only scratches the surface.
If you research the 'one child policy put forth in the late 70's by the Chinese government it stated that no family should have more than one child. In order to control China's rapidly growing population this 'policy' was put in place as a deterrent for having large families. The equation roughly summed up is: Lots of kids= Lots of mouths to feed= Strain on China's resources: etc.... This policy enforced a tax on families having more than one child. While wealthy families could afford this, what about the not so wealthy? From this policy, families didn't just want sons, they were forced to required them. In rural regions of China, agriculture is the way of life. Females are not viewed as 'able' as males to work fields, or do any type of labor at all. The issue of the aging parents is also a major factor. Traditionally, the daughters would grow up, marry and become a member of their husbands family. The sons however, would grow up, marry and take care of his own parents when they were old and unable to provide for themselves. Thus the need for a son was great on many levels. Sadly, people take this as a son is worth more than a daughter. Not necessarily true, but I guess it depends on your point of view. In our great country, we have a social system that is supposed to provide for the aged. In other countries, China being one of them, there was no social security the way we know it, in place (We will see if we even have one, one day, matter of debate for another blog!)
In the 1990's the 'one child policy' was technically abandoned or lifted 'officially' and I use that term loosely. The social ramifications of such a policy remain in place and age old traditions of favoring boys is not easy to change. There was a time when a pregnant women lived in fear and hid that pregnancy. If a people in the town or village learned of pregnancy within a fmaily with several children, she could be reported and be subject to a late term abortion. In the book titled " The Lost Daughter's of China" the author reports stories from the past of midwives who, at the birth of a child, would have a bucket of water or ashes next to the bed where the mother was giving birth. Upon that birth, the sex of the child would often determine the fate of the child. In many cases, without being graphic, the girls didn't survive. The parents simply would have to put the whole ordeal behind them and try again, hoping for a son. A woman who could not bear a son was often considered a great liability and shunned.
While the numbers may not be exactly accurate, It has been speculated that there are approximately 1.7 million children living in orphanages all over China. 90% percent of these are girls, the majority healthy, some with special needs, some older. But there are boys as well. 5-10% is a large number, and most of these boys have some type of special need ranging from minor, correctable cosmetic needs to heart conditions, limb differences, hearing and visual impairment or more severe disabilities. Some are just a little older (3yrs and up). The facts are that these children who remain in the SWI's (Social Welfare Institutes) or orphanages will eventually age out of the government run system, and at the age of 14 be turned out into the street to fend for themselves with a limited amount of resources to provide for themselves. A child with special needs faces an even more uncertain future given his or her special circumstances. None of which the child caused or created on his or her own. They become a victim of circumstance.
If we can understand that the Chinese DO in fact love their children things come into perspective. For example, after all the risk and worry of carrying a child for 9 months, a woman bears a daughter. She cannot keep her due to the reasons put forth by her family, society or a government, and has to abandon that child. There are countless stories of babies being found in busy bus terminals or bustling markets or hospitals, places the parents knew the baby would be found. Many left birth notes in red tissue paper (a symbol for luck) with the child's birth date. They took great risks in doing this. It is illegal to abandon a child for any reason in China. For us to think that this was cold and heartless is a understandable misconception. They left their children where they knew they would be found quickly. In many cases, the mother was within ear shot of her baby ensuring his or her safe requisition by police or a passerby. Imagine the pain in that mothers heart for having to do this and eventually walk away without her baby. Now imagine the hope she must have had that her child would get help or grow up healthy and happy or be adopted to an able Chinese, European or Western family.
This just a brief overview of some of the issues concerning abandoned children in China. ANYWAY...Yes there are mostly girls living in orphanages in China. And they are as equal in their rights to a family as any other child, be it male or female. I didn't 'choose' a boy. It was chosen for me. Maybe by the adoption agency, maybe by the CCAA, maybe by me in a roundabout way, but I truly believe that a higher hand makes all decisions. His decision was that Ji Zhong have 2 brothers and a mother and a very large extended family to one day come home to.
How much does it cost?
Pre Application-$600.00
Formal Application:$ 750.00
Home study:$1,750.00
Copies of documents, decrees, certificates: $100.00
Application for I171-H:$560.00
Document specialist and authentication:$1000.00
Other Fees:$ 3000.00
China fees/translations/orphanage fees:$4000.00
Travel expenses:$5000.00
BRINGING HOME CHANG JI ZHONG......PRICELESS!!!!!!!
(all figures are either fabricated, or approximate. The above was merely for entertainment purposes. )
So again, WHY CHINA?....Here's why.....
